I thought I would share our birth story, (it’s kind of long and detailed, but not too unpleasently detailed) but really I wanted to record what happened because the farther away it gets, the more I forget. I think the fact that the pain eventually fades is God’s awesome way of making people want to have multiple babies, so I am writing all of it down so that I won’t have that desire… just kidding. It really was an incredible experience and something I don’t want to forget- mainly because of God’s incredible faithfulness in the situation.
We chose to have our birth at a birth center. We had a lot of people ask why we chose to do it that way instead of the hospital. I by no means have anything against hospitals, I am very grateful for them actually, but after doing research and praying about it, we felt like the environment of the birth center, the opportunity to build relationships with the midwives, and avoiding hospital policy and procedures that could lead to unwanted intervention was the best option for us. I came to the conclusion that really there are risks with childbirth, whether in a hospital or birthing center. I did have several people concerned and remind me that I would not be presented with any shiny medal or a “You did it” plaque for having my baby naturally without medication and they were right, but it’s a good thing I did not do it for those reasons. Honestly, the pain that would come with childbirth made me the most nervous, but I kept reminding myself that women have done it for years and my body was made to have a baby. My prayer throughout my pregnancy concerning labor was that no matter what happened, even if it didn’t turn out the way that I had planned and I ended up at the hospital or whatever, I would learn to depend on the Lord more than I ever had before, he would pour his grace on me, and that through it, somehow He would be glorified. So with that preface, I tell the birth story, with not too much detail of course.
We hung out with friends on Sunday night to distract me from my uncomfortable belly and the impending fact that I was six days late. I had a few contractions while we were there, but didn’t know for sure whether they were real, so I didn’t say anything to anyone. When we got home, I read for a while and they started coming a little more regularly. I had yet to say anything to Patrick, but he noticed my heavy breathing and he started timing them. They were coming about 8 minutes apart at 11pm. We definitely knew that we were not sleeping that night. So we got up and put on Madagascar 2, although I don’t really remember watching it. I paced around, took a shower, and labored through the night. Around 4:00am they started coming 3-4 minutes apart. I still was afraid I was in early labor so I wasn’t quite ready to call Thaila, our midwife, but Patrick assured me he thought I was in labor since I couldn’t talk through them. We got to the birth center around 4:30 and Laura and Diane (assistant and midwife) met us there. Laura asked if I wanted her to check me and I was terrified that if she did I would only be a 2, so we held off for another couple of hours. We walked around the house, I ate some popsicle and moaned through the contractions. Around 6:30am she checked me and I was already a six which brought a lot of encouragement to us. Patrick called my family to head to Tyler, thinking we would have this baby by lunch time!! Whoohoo!
Everything kept progressing well. I took one contraction at a time mentally working through them with Patrick reminding me that all the pain was good, it would get the baby out. I used the tub for a little bit to try and relax, but relaxing is kind of a joke. I made a lot of noise, noises that I never knew I was capable of making, but any inhibitions I might have had were gone, it was the only thing that distracted my brain from the pain. My family arrived and a few friends that I asked to be there. They checked me again, although I am not sure what time it was at this point, and I was still progressing nicely and had reached between an 8 and 9. Almost there! At this point, it was the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. There are really no words to describe it or at least I can’t think of any that would be appropriate for this tale. I just know I was exhausted, delirious, and felt like dying. I think I actually said, “I just want to die;” in which they reminded me that that meant I was almost there.
Unfortunately, I stalled at a nine for an hour or two because a little lip of my cervix would not thin. Everyone kept telling me to relax through the contractions so that my body could finish doing its job, but again relaxing wasn’t going to happen at a 9 with contractions a minute apart. Eventually I was done and told them I just wanted to push him out, so Laura did what she could to push the lip over his head and then I could start pushing. So after I made it to a ten, I began to push… and push… and push… and push… 3 hours of pushing and nothing happening. Diane gently broke the news that they could only let me go another hour pushing before we would have to transfer to the hospital. We could say this was a pretty low point for us. I had now been in labor for 15 hours and the last thing I wanted was to go to the hospital and push some more and then more than likely end up with a C-section. I knew that if I even mentally accepted the fact that I could be transferred, I would lose it, so I just stayed determined and calm, I never panicked (thank you Holy Spirit- He really is our HELPER). I was exhausted, every contraction I would push 4-5 times and he would not move down. Liam’s heart rate was stable the entire time, praise Jesus, but I think they were more concerned about my state. We tried every position possible and the last resort was to empty my bladder and try the toilet… I know of all places, but gravity would be working for us after all! So we made our way to the bathroom and I again started pushing. This was probably the most desperate point for everyone. I had been pushing for 20 more minutes or so and nothing was happening. It’s amazing that the Lord really did bring me to the most desperate place in my life. I started crying out (literally) to the Lord for mercy, His grace, and a miracle. My friends and family started praying and they sent a text to our church family to pray.
I have NEVER in my life been that dependent and desperate before the Lord. About 10 minutes more of pushing I felt something change and started saying, “The baby is coming, he’s coming” A few more pushes and our little Liam James was in my arms. Most incredible experience of my life and the first thing I said, “It was worth it” (even being delirious) It’s amazing the moment it is over… it’s over and the room explodes with joy. The problem had been that his little hand was on the side of his head and he wouldn’t move down. I pushed him out with that hand stuck to his head, so unfortunately I had a third degree tear and did have to go to the hospital to get stitched, but despite the long day, the Lord was so good to us and indeed did a miracle.
The Lord answered my prayers in so many ways. I prayed that I would learn a whole new level of dependency on Him and that I did. He was my rock, my hiding place, my grace, strength in my weakness, hope when it was hopeless, and I felt all His promises in a very tangible way. As the Lord has continued to reveal his sovereignty to me, I have struggled with understanding the need to pray and ask- if the Lord’s sovereign and already knows what He is going to do in the situation. In those last moments as I desperately cried out to the Lord I remember praying “Lord, I know you are sovereign and I know you are in control, but I also know that you are able to do this. You are able to get this baby out. Please move.” And He did and was so gracious to do so. I knew in that moment that He loves me and he wants us to cry out and ask Him because He loves us, He loves me. It wouldn’t have been the end of the world if we had to go the hospital and if I had to have had a C-section. He would still have been good and gracious to us, but he heard my cry, he heard my prayer and he answered me. How faithful and good He is.
A friend sent this scripture to me while I was in labor and it strengthens my soul, even as I have had a really rough recovery:
“Fear not for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name. You are mine. When you pass through the waters I will be with you and through the rivers they shall not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire you shall not be burned and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God…” Isaiah 43:1-2
He doesn’t have to be, but He is faithful and oh so good to us.
I know women have had babies for forever and my story is nothing spectacular, but to Patrick and I and much of my family and friends it has been a priceless experience and honestly strengthened my faith in ways that I’m not sure it would have had it happened differently. He does work all things out for our good!
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